Things I’d Rather Do Than Lose to Pitt in 2023

(Photo by WVU Athletics) 

Let’s start 2023 off on a happy note, shall we?

I hate Pitt more than anybody, I can promise you that. Losing to them in 2022 was only the icing on the cake of an asinine year.

Today, I am going to list several things I’d rather do than lose to Pitt again in 2023.

Without further ado…

 

– stare at the sun

– use vinegar as eye drops

– have a permanent Charlie Horse in my left leg

– be best friends with my ex

– brush my teeth with a rock

– go quail hunting with Dick Cheney

– have Shane Lyons oversee my budget

– have an incurable ingrown toenail

– swallow a battery

– ride with an Ohio driver

– sign Joe DeForest to a lifetime defensive coordinator contract

– watch a montage of Dana Holgorsen press conferences (only the coughing)

– have to watch our games on Facebook like that team in Huntington

– drink motor oil

– shave my beard with a weed eater

– take a steel toe boot to the shin

– have Gordon Ramsey critique all of my cooking – ALL OF IT 

– kick a hornet’s nest

– drive a car with bad brakes

– bring up politics at a family function

– be punched in the face repeatedly

– answer a telemarketer

– have to watch Fox News and CNN for the rest of my life

– have to relive middle school

– walk on a floor made of Legos

– try to decipher whatever the hell Taylor Swift is trying to say in her new songs

– still use Snapchat in my mid-twenties

– act like I enjoy Zach Bryan’s music

– invite a lady to Morgantown with me and her reject me the next day

– be dumped the week of my birthday

– take an “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup seriously

And last but certainly not least!

– question the coaching of Bob Huggins publicly on social media

 

Happy New Years, Mountaineer Nation!